this speaks on so many levels. aww mel

im 2klate

"How cruel, your veins are full of ice-water and mine are boiling." Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights

Hey hey

How are you? I'm not doing very well. Currently on a hospital bed, watching channel 5 and half heartedly typing this. My asthma had an relapse today!!! Almost died... literally held on to the edge of the table while my dad called for an ambulance. HAHAHAHA.... But im okay now....

I whatapped scorpio boy today. Seriously need to stop my itchy fingers.... because i was feeling lonely and there was wifi. And he mentioned that he would prefer to whatapp, yknow? So i sent a picture of my view on bed.... worst thing ever; double ticks and no fucks were given. man, ive never felt so frustrated about a boy before... ever! i told A.R about it and he said maybe he's confused or something but i think its the classic 'he's just not that into you'... so i'm really really going to stop now. KARMA! After ignoring other peoples' affection, now it's my turn to experience such shitty misfortune. sigh, my head is really a whirlpool now. pray for me to get well soon, and my heart... my poor heart.

hive mind or the single mind?

our mind is a crazy intangible piece of ... i can't even think of anything to represent it because it's amazing and really, just crazy. or maybe, mine's crazy.

these past few days, ive been tormenting myself in the head over a boy. and it's really all my fault. i saw scenes and stories that ive fabricated out of nothing. delusional, and over bearing. it wasnt really ideas that i want to believe in, it's just these 'what ifs' again. i need to cool off, because i feel like im going mental and loose control.

i try to pick myself up
drag my shredded heart 
onward let go of another layer
left behind on the pavement. 
crimson mantras drip from my mouth: 
“let each scar remind me to kiss my own wounds.”

seems like after a wave roll by, another bigger one relapse. i feel like drowning again; in this ocean where my toes could never touch the bottom. maybe if i relax, and not try so hard, i can float again.