it happens. you get your heart broken over boys you never really had, you get your heart broken by his freckles, you get your heart broken by the way he smiled or looked at you like you were a galaxy full of wonder and infinite possibilities, you get your heart broken by how he would say your name for no reason but to just say it, you get you heart broken by remembering all his little details and his flaws that you loved because no one is perfect until you fall in love with them. it happens. you get your heart broken

a few weeks, on the first day of the hungry ghost festival... something particular happened.

after having some drinks with friends, everyone got on to their individual cabs and cars so did i. when i entered the vehicle, the taxi driver didnt turn his head or said anything. i'd just told him my destination. he grunted and drove. it was pretty late at night (almost 4am... ) and it being the hungry ghost festival period, there was just eeriness about the whole situation...atmosphere...whatever...

it was really quiet, just the sound of the vehicle driving. there were hardly any cars around too. the only light was coming from the street lights and my iphone.... and then i noticed the driver's face.

his cheekbones were really high and huge.

i dont know why, but he looked really unnatural.... his cheekbones were sharp...it literally covered his facial features (i was sitting behind, left side).... so i couldnt see his face. when i'd asked which route was he taking, he didnt answer me but stepped harder on the pedal... the cab was on the 2nd lane of the highway and it was speeding lightning fast.... the cab bumped a few times and we passed by a few cars. so i'd told him to slow down, but he didnt answer. at that point of time, i felt kind of annoyed, uneasy and a little scared at the same time. while putting on the safety belt (yesss so damn fast till i was like, a bit scared for my life..had to put on seat belt!!), i tried to look for the taxi driver name tag thing but there wasnt any.

of course, in the end the driver did arrived at my home. but all the while, ive never seen his face properly. after paying the cab fare, and gotten out of the car.... i still had that uneasy feeling and puzzled why i couldnt see his face... besides having really abnormally high cheekbones that possibly covered it. when the cab driver drove out of the car park, i noticed the light inside his cab flickered on. and on the rear mirror, i saw his mouth... upturned and smiling. WHY THE FUCK WAS HE SMILING OR AT? he drove away but that bloody smile was not and didnt feel friendly at all. it was like some creepy (not even the ji ko peh kind) but like... aiya i dont know but it just creeped me out so much.!!!!

i want to like you so much but you dont give a chance. :(

damn it, i wanna burn your shirt...shred it to pieces.

not vibing

just had a really good dinner. i feel so blessed to have food prepared by my mother every evening. :D

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be your own muse, because you are still trying to find out about yourself.

Dr. Bigelow: So you took a chance on being happy, even though you knew that later on you would be sad.

Louie: Yeah.

B: And now… you’re sad.

L: Yeah.

B: So… what’s the problem?

L: I’m too sad…. Look, I liked the feeling of being in love with her. I liked it. But now she’s gone and I miss her and it sucks. And I didn’t think it was going to be this bad, and I feel like, why even be happy if it’s just going to lead to this, you know? It wasn’t worth it.

B: You know, misery is wasted on the miserable.

L: What?

B: You know, I’m not entirely sure what your name is, but you are a classic idiot. You think spending time with her, kissing her, having fun with her, you think that’s what it was all about? That was love?

L: Yeah.

B: THIS is love. Missing her, because she’s gone. Wanting to die…. You’re so lucky. You’re like a walking poem. Would you rather be some kind of a fantasy? Some kind of a Disney ride? Is that what you want? Don’t you see? This is the good part. This is what you’ve been digging for all this time. Now you finally have it in your hand, this sweet nugget of love, sweet, sad love, and you want to throw it away. You’ve got it all wrong.

L: I thought this was the bad part.

B: No! The bad part is when you forget her, when you don’t care about her, when you don’t care about anything. The bad part is coming, so enjoy the heartbreak while you can, for God’s sakes. Pick up the dog poop, would you please? Lucky sonofabitch. I haven’t had my heart broken since Marilyn walked out on me, since I was 35 years old. What I would give to have that feeling again…. You know, I’m not really sure what your name is, but you may be the single most boring person I have ever met. No offense. Give me my dog. Come here. You…. Don’t fall down

but...

hello. how are you?

feels like i just woke up from a really long nap and whatever happened for the past few weeks had just been a daydream. it's not that intense but i felt like it could have been, and it had been but it never was. it's alright, it was silly... that stupid scar looks even more stupid now. it looks like a frowning smiley. :(

there are many things waiting for me to worry and think about. it's a lesson learnt!


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i wish you well reader, stranger, friend, etc...................