1.06AM

deadline is in less than 48hours and ive not given any fuck at all. untouched, nothing has been done. am i doomed? probably not, probably a bad grade, bad impression.

why do i fucking feel more lonely than ever before?

i've got fellow friends as my roomies, my cousin is here to visit. yes its cold. bloody hell, fucking wind blowing my face till i cant breathe... it really hurts breathing cold air. im not timid, maybe slightly shy, but i am an introvert.

i still remembered justin doing that personality test thing on me. his self evaluation by his own 'mental judgement'. he told me i was an extrovert. so that evening, i went back home to do the mdia personality quest thing. and i was told to be an introvert. so im like okay.

somehow, the conversation went back to extrovert/introvert when i was talking to justin again. and i remember saying, 'i think im a introvert'.

justin said, "no, youre not. youre a extrovert."

"i did a personality test and it said im introvert"

"i swear youre a extrovert"

i didnt say anything else after. and then i did the test a few more times... in which out of the 6 times i did, 5 of them shown a result that i am 'introvert'.

i feel more 'in' than 'out' anyway.

had another chat with justin about it again and insisted i am extrovert, again.

from then on, i just have a negative impression of him.

why am i talking about this right now when ive got more important things to do. i dont know. maybe im spaced out again and just want to move my fingers real fast on the keyboard. anyway, i think i will make myself really attractive. yeah yeah im 21 and i just typed this shit out.

i'd been thinking for a while.... you know about being single or attached, finding a partner etc.

i think a lot of girls crave for the security that they think a guy can provide in a relationship. whether it's materialistic, emotional or physical, it's very one sided (at least, i'd been trying to see this in the pov of a young hong kong girl... been mixing with hong kong people a bit recently)....

the first thing that that needs to be fixed is this mentality. i have so much thoughts but cant seem to put them properly into words...

even though part of my life was growing up in singapore, i will always be proud native hong kong born. the energy and strength in hong kong people is impeccable! stand for you rights!!! young people from hong kong actually have their own opinions and care about their future and it's so admirable.

but i feel heartbroken by what is happening there. i hope it gets resolved soon.

do you feel funny that you have so many friends on facebook yet...

it happens. you get your heart broken over boys you never really had, you get your heart broken by his freckles, you get your heart broken by the way he smiled or looked at you like you were a galaxy full of wonder and infinite possibilities, you get your heart broken by how he would say your name for no reason but to just say it, you get you heart broken by remembering all his little details and his flaws that you loved because no one is perfect until you fall in love with them. it happens. you get your heart broken

a few weeks, on the first day of the hungry ghost festival... something particular happened.

after having some drinks with friends, everyone got on to their individual cabs and cars so did i. when i entered the vehicle, the taxi driver didnt turn his head or said anything. i'd just told him my destination. he grunted and drove. it was pretty late at night (almost 4am... ) and it being the hungry ghost festival period, there was just eeriness about the whole situation...atmosphere...whatever...

it was really quiet, just the sound of the vehicle driving. there were hardly any cars around too. the only light was coming from the street lights and my iphone.... and then i noticed the driver's face.

his cheekbones were really high and huge.

i dont know why, but he looked really unnatural.... his cheekbones were sharp...it literally covered his facial features (i was sitting behind, left side).... so i couldnt see his face. when i'd asked which route was he taking, he didnt answer me but stepped harder on the pedal... the cab was on the 2nd lane of the highway and it was speeding lightning fast.... the cab bumped a few times and we passed by a few cars. so i'd told him to slow down, but he didnt answer. at that point of time, i felt kind of annoyed, uneasy and a little scared at the same time. while putting on the safety belt (yesss so damn fast till i was like, a bit scared for my life..had to put on seat belt!!), i tried to look for the taxi driver name tag thing but there wasnt any.

of course, in the end the driver did arrived at my home. but all the while, ive never seen his face properly. after paying the cab fare, and gotten out of the car.... i still had that uneasy feeling and puzzled why i couldnt see his face... besides having really abnormally high cheekbones that possibly covered it. when the cab driver drove out of the car park, i noticed the light inside his cab flickered on. and on the rear mirror, i saw his mouth... upturned and smiling. WHY THE FUCK WAS HE SMILING OR AT? he drove away but that bloody smile was not and didnt feel friendly at all. it was like some creepy (not even the ji ko peh kind) but like... aiya i dont know but it just creeped me out so much.!!!!

i want to like you so much but you dont give a chance. :(

damn it, i wanna burn your shirt...shred it to pieces.