Ticked off

I didn't manage to get in.

I was a little sad, like maybe 0.9% disappointed. But I honestly knew I had a really good idea. The execution was really good as well. Perhaps, one of my proudest work, ever! Yet unfortunately, there are some other factors (like not able to provide a web based imagery onto the digital platform). Even the lady mention it (that brief 5 minutes of feedback). What really ticked me of that I didnt get it, is witnessing people with ideas, effort and time that arent (in my most opinion) that on par. Maybe I'm wrong to judge, because it is different for every individual. And it's that point where I am this close. I mean, I know there's no way of comparing, and I shouldn't compare. But, come on, if you dont ask yourself why and understand how some things become successful, and others fail; you never improve.

But you know what, I am still fucking proud of what I created! Can't be feel the same about my FYP work (drained off not even halfway through and don't like it in the end) though, it was technically the most mundane 3 months I had in design school.

Guess I really learnt some stuff here, should have thought of broader and be prepared, especially managing time. I really have to stress so much that time management is exceedingly important in getting impressive work produced. Yes, I used the word, 'impressive'.

Probably continue and complete the project once this week is over. Till then. x

in response to...

you go girl! you go girl!!! i'm rooting for you to get over things that you ought to. and so is all your friends; we're all right at your back!

letting go someone is probably the hardest thing. if you don't, then it's most likely that there was never a relationship between both of you. and memories form most of it; the bad and the good. i miss my dog (i know it's not the best example) so much. I still remember the day I first got my dog and all the tiny things that happen throughout till today. hahah, im saying it like brandy died. but she's in her 50s now. but as always, time will heal. though the scar still remains.

well, okay this week flew past again. i swear, ever since school started, every day turns into night in a flicker! i had a short course on typography and it was so fun! the hands-on part, at least. we learnt how to write letters. i should have recorded it, shouldn't i?

also, started cycling around london. i'm still not very confident on roads so i bought a helmet, (touch wood) just in case. :P AND...HALLOWEEN IS COMING. have you gotten your costumes/dressing up ready? because i am!!!!!!!! i make sure to bring my camera along. still have tons of work lining up. till then! x

remembering summer

rewatched 500 days of summer, for the fourth time counting. >-< you, if you hadnt watch it, i urge you to give it a go. you learn so much from the film. it's just wonderful!

the week that flew by like a scarf that got caught in the wind...wtf

hey, i'm genuinely sorry that your ex has someone new. both of you were great together and it makes me happy to see you happy! however, sometimes things don't go as what we hope for and it is a terribly misfortune that it didn't continue. i know you are very sad and probably thinking back to when you were happy together. i wish i can console you but i don't dare to bring it up again. hopefully, it will dissolve and once you are alright (and really alright, not just saying you are alright), there would be tons of eligible suitors for you!! 

then again, maybe staying single isn't such a bad thing, after all. sorry...

on a lighter note, quite a bit of things have happened the past weeks. the zine fair event was yet another disappointment. i'd imagined it to be way more glorious than having it hosted at a measly shophouse. then again, it did have its own charm and it was nice to see the artists in real life. sadly, i didnt get anything because, to be honest, i thought i could do the handy crafts on my own and spending 5pounds would be a waste. of course, the content might be something that can never be replaced! 

after which, my Ukraine friend (just had to mention it because i'm still feeling a little like a country bumpkin to meet international people) and i went to the design museum at thames river! it was really nice, but then again the 7.5 pound entrance ticket to one exhibition was slightly pricey. not to mention, it was on student discount! poooo...but the exhibits were definitely really cool. seeing the 'designs' (furnitures, prints, products) that shifted and revolutionized england live was a really really interesting. all this kinda happened last weekend, and this week have sort of just whisked by as well!

promptly had refresh tutorials for the digital design softwares; they were pretty useful since there were quite a few short cuts i wasnt aware off. made tons of friends and did some inductions at the print workshop. the facilities are superb! free access, no need to sign up whatever shit like how i used to ....well you know, from where.. .LOL (im very appreciative of TP though, not pointing out anything in particular!!!) 

did a massive shopping trip at oxford circus with jac because omg there were mega sales! crazy prices for flagship stores, i must say, it's probably cheaper than singapore's GSS, since the quality are really amazing– made in uk, mind you! the new clothes shall never be revealed to my parents for fear of the machine gun nagging. HAHA! 

on other news, i have begun my search for a 2nd hand bike...and cheap tupperware (i had been using my roommates and i highly doubt they like it very much!!). seriously, it's so hard to find sturdy, microwave safe (the last one i used got melted and my lunch was ruined...hurrah) and pocket friendly food storages. cost about 20 pounds for a set of eight! absurd isnt it?! so please, anyone who might be considering sending me gifts this holiday season, please send some good quality plastic wares!!! alternatively, really cute japanese (not from daiso, ok or maybe from daiso is fine) bento boxes would be fine, too. 

missing my family and brandy and friends and especially my mom's cooked meals so much. hopefully, i'll be back in bakinz' hot singapore next summer. bummer really, because i want to evade the cold instead. oh! and there are so many gigs i want to go (phoenix, mainly because you have to experience live music from a french synth band, at least once...no, really) but i had'nt discover any like-minded music people yet...so hopefully, i can before the gigs get sold out!!! 

some tourist shots of the insides of harrods from last sunday. beautiful interiors so, visual galore!!!! 

oh wow, its mesmerizng, looks 10 times better for the real deal, though

BEHOLD! MEAT!!!!!!!!!!

look at that lady in her uniform! probably thinking of that new burger on
macdonald's menu (BECAUSE I AM)

that's not a very pretty picture of her...

and that, is a picture from thursday afternoon. yes, naked bums (from live drawing)! till then. xx

queen beeee....sy....

hi there! i'd been really really busy with school! it is so fun! learning how to make stop motion animation this week. pretty refreshing from all the digital print stuff i'd been doing.

guess what are we working on?

pretty obvious, isnt it?

the thumbs up wasnt our idea... LOL 

well i am very excited for the weekend!!!! because i think i'm going to a few events! :) last saturday's vintage kilo sale was quite a disappointment. didnt get anything because there wasnt something i had to buy. hopefully this coming week would be great! till then. x

moth

these little buggers has been trying to break in to my well lit room. and it's terribly hard to find moth balls here. sucks.

wandering along the halls

i was really looking forward to the weekends! i mean, who doesn't? I've visited the british museum today! It was really really crowded with so many tourist. I was imagining myself to be seating alone on the benches and looking at the artefacts and history, maybe sketching or something but it was wayyyyyyy to crowded for that. and walked over to trafalgar square for the japan matsuri. food was overpriced, deadly crowded, stayed that for 5 minutes and went over to the fountain (which i forgot the name!!!) to daze.

school canteen looking like the ikea food hall lol

I just had to show that photo because its so....industrializeeeeeee~

magnifique!

lol the asshole....sorry... 

fucking cool porcelain plates from china, painted by a chinese during 1700
with french inspired drawings!!!!!!!! 

meanwhile, have yourself a smashing weekend...... till then. x

are we still considered friends even if we don't talk anymore

happened to come across one of my friend's tumblr. she posted a photo of me and her and another person together when she was hanging in my place....way way back from a few years ago. i had to italicise that because im genuinely unsure if we are friends. because we do not talk or interact with each other anymore and it makes me so sad. i do miss her! we had so many silly and happy memories....cliche and all but people do move on after a while. and it makes me reflect about my self-worth. would the 'friends' that i have now or just made, eventually become like that, too?

today, i'd attended a mixer (yay alcohol in school!!) within the cohort of my new course mates. it's very exciting and nerve wrecking at the same time (which i'm sure everyone feels the same) when you meet new people. especially in a place with a even wider cultural background and what not. it can get more complicated; the judging nature of us etc. however i really don't want to back out on it, you know, being scare and nervous and the 'its awkward i don't want to do it' thinking. as much as i hate it, the worst scenario could just be a rejection. just a rejection, mind you!

thank you chinese (my friend, elky), for posing!

so coming back to this friendship thing. now that i've grown older and seemingly wiser, making and having friends is obviously very different from when we were in primary school. the times when we could 'unfriend' someone just because they wore knee socks instead of ankle socks (lol, yes it'd happened to me) or become friends again 10 minutes later. now, not that i don't experience similar situations at my age (just blown up into more complicated discrimination instead), but people tend to be more forgiving as they grow older, or at least appear to me. unfortunately, maybe as we got older, our mindset of making friends have widen. 

...just because i lost you, doesn't mean i cannot befriend someone else like you, or even better!

 it's really sad. because in my head, all i think of was the fond memories (this sound like some really bad copy writing for a greeting card). :( friends, friends, i hope i don't loose any because it's just such a happy thing to be with people you can be happy with! gosh, i sound like a child...not thinking straight anymore. till then x

groans and moans

just came back from school and here i am, scooping chocolate spread from my jar of sainsbury chocolate spread. if you can tell, i'm really on a super tight budget. lol, kudos to the house brand chocolate spread! it's literally just sugar with 1% taste of chocolate in it. i don't understand how my friends can effort to dine out for every meal (thanks, instagram). i feel like a slack because the first thing i'm doing is open this jar of chocolate spread and bloggin about it right now. at least, it's made in in uk with '100% farm fresh milk'! hurrah!

lol, i am so sad. but fuck it. fuck everyone. 

it's kind of tough trying to start a conversation with people here. i'm not sure, maybe its my incapability to speak beautiful sounding- english. not like my grammar is any better. the conversations are so awkward, i fully understand how annoyed my recipients (is it even called recipients?) would get. 

typical conversation with a new person....

me:"hey, wow so you're doing graphics? oh wait, of course you're doing graphics *trololol* you're in this lecture hall!!!" 

person:"yeah. ha ha!"

me:"so where are you from? pretty dress by the way"

person:"really? thanks *smiles politely* i'm from_________"

me:"wow, that's so cool! .... .. ....."

and then it gets so fucking silent because i don't know how to continue most of time. even with asians/chinese. i'm pretty sure it's my english. it's so awful. gosh, i feel like a little caged rat cause people don't understand the way i speak. and usually i'm quite cheerful and genuinely interested in regardless who/what background they are from. also, when they said 'pardon' and i have to repeat myself a few times..... like you know how you tell a joke and nobody gets it even after you've explained it. what a giant piece of gum i'd stepped on.

at least, well at least, most of the conversation starters involves my braces buttons which 99.9% of the people i encounter mistake it as piercings. LOL 

Oh hello, how do you do... *groans*

but you know, i'll work it out. ugh! 

it's quite strange that people/friends ask me how i'm doing in london. because i am doing okay, not like i have anything bad happening to me. in fact it's pretty good. but i kept having that thing in me, like i'm suppose to give a super exciting answer (like how you expect from movies and such?)!! 

"OH it's brilliant *english accent*! I'm enjoying my fish and chips, mash and bangers and wow, everything is lovely and tea is just so great." 

Good news is that, the college i'm studying is totally open to objections which i am extremely excited to provide! LOL.... bad news is, i can't communicate very well. so erm...really got to work on that. chinese food here sucks, if anyone is interested in that point. till then x

that isn't true. i think about your feelings too. maybe not all the times, perhaps not as thoughtful. it doesnt even make sense, some things that were mention... so tired. but i feel so awful now. i want to give in to that FUCK IT attitude... fuck i have school tomorrow. and my toe hurts, my foot hurts from the 10 blisters (big and small, what a happy family) i'd grew from all the walking, and i'm having flu. hurrah for me. i'm a giant douche bag and i don't want to care anymore.

that annoying self reflection thing

hey. readers of the internet, whoever you are, i don't care. hello if you're my friend, hello if youre 40 and jobless, hello if you're a cat! helloooooOOooooOOOOoo!

have you ever have that feeling that, you are suppose to feel grateful because you have so much in your life and that you should be grateful because there are tons of people who would love to be in your shoes? you have a great family, friends, supported by (almost) everyone you know and you have 3 full meals (though you choose to skip them sometimes), a warm bed and clean shower...so you have to be grateful! there are homeless, hungry and lonely people who don't have all these so you must be grateful and stop, just stop being such a whiney bitch...

but nobody knows the things you hide. the shit you can't say because you are afraid of the many factors and consequences that might occur if you do. and all these accumulate and become a giant faggoty ball of worry, unhappiness and all the negative ugly things. of course, there are people who gives stupid advices like; "Oh, it's a matter of perspective on how you see things. You know, see the half cup full instead? *giggle giggle laugh laugh HAW HAW*" It's not as easy as the act of saying but doing it instead. It's so hard! And then, with that ball of ugly sad things, it gets even tougher to actually feel grateful.... because you just get all caught up in it. 

And then you do that annoying self reflect thing every night before you fall asleep. 

"oh my god, why do i feel so depressed with all these crap. i'm so negative...i should be happy..cause blablabalbalbalablabal" ..... After which you would feel guilty because you aren't doing what you're suppose (which is to be grateful and thank god you're still pulsing and not dead like that poor woman who got hit by a falling tree branch...her mom's heart must'd been broken), which doesn't help at all and you continue to be dragged into this cycle of gloominess. 

i'm sure there are loads of people who are or had been in this situation before. if this doesnt get managed properly, it would probably be some mental case already. so in conclusion of this mini attempt in typing something which i'd reflected a little more upon...is nothing! 

just to be sure, i'm okay. just as of any 20 year old, a little confused and lost with my plans (or no plan at all) for my life. sad, but true. 

till then. x

okay

alright, i'm returning because it's nice to write down things in this blog. had this little shit hole for 3 years already! It's lovely to read back the old posts, so i SHALL CONTINUE AND LET THIS LEGEND LIVE ON! fuck...lol

i'd been swearing quite a bit in my head alot recently. it's kinda sad. well, anyway, i'm settling in nicely in london. it's a awesome, friendly and chilly place. enjoy the park strolls and rolls (on the grass) very much. maybe i'll take my camera with me and take some photos and what not. dont like the halls very much. my flatmates are really dirty in the kitchen and it stinks so bad i dont even cook in the kitchen anymore. gosh, i write such boring things. like, as if i've got no intellect. hey, that's not trueeeeeeee................

blargh. there's school tmolo! i better roll into the arms of my bed soon. till then.