that's relieved then if it's not me- because i didnt know there was someone else all along and it just seem to fit so properly. but at least, i guessed it right that you would come back here to check it out. what a shame then. oh well, this is definitely inspiring some new possible project. moving on!

on a side note, i am unbelievably blessed to have new friends and also my old friends. friends are really important, especially those that grow along with you. i need to make breakfast now, so terribly hungry. not having proper meals :\

keeping it real?

remember a few days ago i said how much i love to be interested in people (in layman's term, nosy but in a more intelligent way to say it lol) and the idea of being 'in love with someone' is something that appeals to me. i would like to add that i dislike it too (i had to backspace 'hate' since hate is such a intense emotion...it isnt true), because 1. i dont think i can quite grasp the concept of 'love' very well yet, and 2. once you get involve with that, feelings/emotions always...somehow seep into it. and now im in a standstill, trying to figure how i'll ever manage this. its not even that complicated. why am i adding in so many... many ingredients. 

sandy, keep it simple, no one really likes sweet and sour (and sometimes spicy) pork that much...there's too much chemicals; it's all a marketing make-believe... or is it? i dont know. 

i hadnt been going to church since last year...is this why i feel like a whirlwind had taken over my head? LOL.

ugh fuck off mark.

i'm glad.

i'm glad because i found company in a place that is so new and unfamiliar to me and having someone to be here, well not exactly guide or some sort of support but someone to talk about this experience is good. and i'm glad that you are honest with me and i think it's one thing that i appreciate more than anything, not just from you but from any individual. quality that i highly admire and sought after. ...and that you arent looking for commitment, because i find committing 100% to something scary, it's like climbing up a ladder to the 50th level and looking back down. it's terrifying, so at least that is mutual. although i must admit, it was slightly disheartening cause it sucks all the hope and anticipation and exhilaration away. but it's a good thing nevertheless, since finding out is kind of the fun part.

interaction, exchanging the stories, knowledge and experiences with you had been really cool and i hope to continue that. while i do enjoy the physical aspect of this... i (secretly) hope it's not that's all to it. it's fun though. but anyway, i'm uncertain what'll happen so i shall enjoy your existence ...haha and flow along.

in love

also... i cant help being in love all the time. with people and things and different people and different things. being interested, infatuated, obsessed with a subject is the best feeling ever. it's inspirational and keeps your head rolling, constantly stimulated with ideas. so, be in love with being in love!

and then i question myself, what is 'love' anyway. i'm so intellectual, lol i know. *barfs*

it's quite scientific, apparently...

im curious to who reads my blog.


but then again, it doesn't matter.

it's creeping in to me.... again

i asked, "but what if you break my heart"

and then he said, "yeah but our hearts will get broken eventually*"
(something along that line)

"as long as you're having fun. i'm having fun and i think you're fun to hang out with. it's not like we're going to married or anything", he continued.

"duh. who would want to do that now?"

and then i stopped, i was trying to comprehend that... so i became all quiet.

"what's wrong, you alright?"

"uh huh.."

and I had to reconsider my risk. or am i risking anything in the first place? because if i dont, i'll regret it when i turn 40. but if i do, i'll probably regret it when im 40... anyway. (mom don't kill me, and have your heart broken when my heart gets broken...this is why i thought what he said was true, our hearts would get broken eventually... :((((((  hur....)

but i am happy. and i feel great. and i think i've never experienced anything like that before. it's domineering, and that is very attractive. domineering in a way where i feel assured and being well taken care of. that's really appealing and novel. the taste, the whole situation; i've never done anything like it before. ah well...


-

i think i've broken way too many hearts....or at least that's what they say. i don't consider myself as a 'player' or ever in the right mind, 'play' with someone's emotion but sometimes things get complicated it starts spiraling out of control. all this emotions, feelings, secrets ...other people's secrets and the value s attached with them. it's so messy. and i just want to run away from it. because being overly attached to anyone is never a good thing, when you are only 21. and when you start depending on someone as a emotional pillar, it will turn sour (at least for me). life has so many opportunities. yes, it's true that building a strong foundation at the early stage is good (health, wealth, relationships blablabal) but where is the fun in all that?

im just generally very detached and void of emotions. cold and harsh. :,(

but i can't help it. i've grew up learning to keep myself inside and showing anything would mean vulnerability. (shout out to dad who taught me that...and also signing me up self defense class..which sadly only lasted for less than a month! HAHAHA). i am trying though, as of every new relationship develops, and i hope it blossoms. but currently, it feels uncertain because ive finally encounter someone with similar concept on relationships and i am really not sure if i like it/ used to it.

till then x

also, a cute picture of a bunny in a tea cup!

and more bunnies! it's spring :P