ugh

i know many things don't work out in your life. i know your mom can get pushy, because all mothers get pushy. apologizing and trying to do what is right, wait - what is right anyway? is it having a good paying job? getting your body clock to work normally or eating healthy (to love your body, to love yourself) is right? who should define all these?

i know, you're still inexperience and young and maybe your head gets fuzzy sometimes. who wouldn't? the world is filled with so many ideas and standards; what you should become, who you must see yourself to be. others give advices they dont even understand themselves - "stay true to yourself." but what is, when you don't even have a clue where to start?

i know, someone you think is great. but he's probably just as puzzled as you are. after all, he isn't much older and he couldn't have gain more experience than you. and if you think he's right, he's probably wrong; which is almost equivalent to both of you holding hands and running through a field of mines.

hey, what about friends?

friends? what friends - the ones where you meet every friday (or maybe even less) for a drink? or the ones that you meet occasionally to attend parties? are you really sure about that? you are probably sulking, because all these times of merry-making, whose going to want a piece of your sorrow? perhaps dunk another drink to bury all that sadness away?

what should i do then?

nobody knows. old people don't become old so quickly for a reason. those wrinkles, they probably have magic hidden in them. i guess, you just have to continue living and you might understand when you're grown up.