Friday, May 2, 2014

it's creeping in to me.... again

i asked, "but what if you break my heart"

and then he said, "yeah but our hearts will get broken eventually*"
(something along that line)

"as long as you're having fun. i'm having fun and i think you're fun to hang out with. it's not like we're going to married or anything", he continued.

"duh. who would want to do that now?"

and then i stopped, i was trying to comprehend that... so i became all quiet.

"what's wrong, you alright?"

"uh huh.."

and I had to reconsider my risk. or am i risking anything in the first place? because if i dont, i'll regret it when i turn 40. but if i do, i'll probably regret it when im 40... anyway. (mom don't kill me, and have your heart broken when my heart gets broken...this is why i thought what he said was true, our hearts would get broken eventually... :((((((  hur....)

but i am happy. and i feel great. and i think i've never experienced anything like that before. it's domineering, and that is very attractive. domineering in a way where i feel assured and being well taken care of. that's really appealing and novel. the taste, the whole situation; i've never done anything like it before. ah well...


i think i've broken way too many hearts....or at least that's what they say. i don't consider myself as a 'player' or ever in the right mind, 'play' with someone's emotion but sometimes things get complicated it starts spiraling out of control. all this emotions, feelings, secrets ...other people's secrets and the value s attached with them. it's so messy. and i just want to run away from it. because being overly attached to anyone is never a good thing, when you are only 21. and when you start depending on someone as a emotional pillar, it will turn sour (at least for me). life has so many opportunities. yes, it's true that building a strong foundation at the early stage is good (health, wealth, relationships blablabal) but where is the fun in all that?

im just generally very detached and void of emotions. cold and harsh. :,(

but i can't help it. i've grew up learning to keep myself inside and showing anything would mean vulnerability. (shout out to dad who taught me that...and also signing me up self defense class..which sadly only lasted for less than a month! HAHAHA). i am trying though, as of every new relationship develops, and i hope it blossoms. but currently, it feels uncertain because ive finally encounter someone with similar concept on relationships and i am really not sure if i like it/ used to it.

till then x

also, a cute picture of a bunny in a tea cup!

and more bunnies! it's spring :P

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